9. Clement

This is Clement. You were dragged to a lecture at the ornithological society by that guy from work who never even tried to hide that he had a thing for you ("It's not a date," you insisted when you agreed to go, but he still brought flowers and told you how beautiful you looked), and there he was at the podium. Afterward, during the white wine mingle, you started talking to him just to get away from the workplace skeeze. But then something about the way he answered your empty questions lit a fire in you, and you started buying your own ruse. If he's that passionate about Petrochelidon pyrrhonota, you thought, just imagine how worked up he could get about a real live human. It turned out, not so much. He left on a tracking expedition to Venezuela a few days later, and you didn't even say goodbye.

(Image: Beams)